Vacant Chapter 15 Together

I take a deep breath, steadying myself for Emilys backlash at my revelation.One. Its the truth. Theres unaccompanied been one, barely that one isnt simple. I am non looking at her as I say this, so I squeeze my eyes close down tightly, hoping she doesnt hate me for what Im somewhat to tell her next.There was this girl, in high school, she was known to I trail off, hoping Emily gets the idea, but she just sits and stares at me. Shes going to make me dapple it out. She was known as the go-to girl for sex. I was sixteen, angry and very curious. Shes still watching me but begins to fidget. She would do pretty some(prenominal) whatever, and I took advantage of that. It was emotionless and a means to an end. She let me take my frustrations out on her, Emily. No matter how angry, depressed, or lonely I was, she let me fill the void with her in her. Her face scrunches, and I can see shes acquiring the idea. It wasnt just about love, or even lust, really. It was about me taking. Ther e was no giving. I demand to drive my headway home with revealing the true debauchery in which Id participated for two years, but I dont want Emily thinking I want her to do the depraved and experimental acts Id once divulged in. That was a different time and a different me, but there was still an insecurity, despite my experience, I couldnt shake. It was all about me, okay? I wasnt there to make her come.So, were you like I can see her trying to put all the pieces together. You said you were angry. Were you angrywith her?I pa function because I dont want to lie, but I dont want to tell the truth either. Yes.Did you accidental injury her?I take a moment so I can say this right. go against can mean many things, but I think Emily means physically, so thats the hurt I respond to. No. I never hurt her. It really was just sex, nothing else. I never hit her or forced her. She was always willing.She takes a deep breath and lets it out s number onely as she continues to play with the p lacemat. Did you like it?Its the question Ive been waiting for. Emily wants to know if I want it to be like that with her. When a boy has urges, theres little that will stop him from getting to the end. Its like how you fold clothes. How the shirt has to hang just right on the hanger, or the pants creased finishedly. You cant stop until everything is just right and youre satisfied. I cant believe Im study sex to laundry. But as a man, its not about how the clothes are folded or hung. Its about the clothes being clean and smelling skillful. Its about the process, not the end result. Jesus Christ, this sounds stupid.With you, Emily, I want to feel everything. I want it to be about you and me, us. Its not about the physical result at the end.Okay.Okay?Yeah, okay. I trust you, Ethan.No, to the left a little bit? Emily cant seem to find a comfortable position.Better?Uh, just give me a sec She winces again and I know this is painful. She tries to hide it, but I know.Yep, complete dis aster. I never shouldve agreed to this. Its uncomfortable for Emily, and there doesnt seem to be a way to make it better.Do you want to try on top? Im grasping at straws. I want this to be a good experience for her.Are you okay? I know she fought back tears when I finally did it. She told me to just do it and get it over with. Not my proudest moment. Its not what any guy wants to hear Just get it over with.Yeah. Her confirmation is so small.Emily, Im so sorry. I She interrupts me with her hand over my mouth.Please stop, Ethan. It wont always be like this. My mom her pause indicates that bringing up her mother is still hard for her. My mom told me about sex. She said it would hurt the first few times, but she also told me that if I was with the right person it would be okay. Im with the right man. You are right for me, Ethan. No one, and I do mean no one, has ever taken better care of me than you have, and, I know that you wanted this to be perfect, and it was. Please dont take th at from me. Emily pauses to kiss me before she finishes.My first time could have gone so many ways, but it didnt. It was with someone that loves me, and who I love.I cant help the sheepish smile that spreads across my lips. I decide Emily is so wise and mature and right. It was perfect because it was us.I really like the third one we looked at.I do, too, but the second one had a gym, remember?Emily and I sit at the dinner table looking over brochures. We spent the day looking for an apartment in a better neighborhood with more amenities and a much higher monthly payment.Im a little concerned about finances, but Emily assures me we will be all right. Shes getting her schooling paid for on a Pell Grant and working 25-30 hours a week, which is a big contribution. And mewell, Im the new Assistant Manager for Balls Grocer. That may not be a big deal for or so people, but to me its everything. Ive never had a neediness to be in charge of anyone or anything. I just wanted to take care of myself, lay low and live one day at a time.However, Margie just wouldnt let it go. She promoted me to cashier and kept on me. She was always in my ear talking about providing for my family. At first, I was defensive because I didnt have a family, but the more Margie talked, the more I realized she was right. Emily was my family, and maybe someday we could add to that. When the prospect came up last week for an assistant manager position, Margie was there telling me to get my ass in gear and apply. She coached me through the interview process and helped me compile a resume. I insisted that a cashier didnt need a resume, but she wouldnt let it go, and Im glad she didnt.So if we get the one with the gym, are you going to cause one of those gym rats? Always workin out and flexing their muscles for the chicas? While Emily wasnt one to get upset about me doing stuff without her, she still had a bit of a green-eyed streak. She says that girls used to leave me alone because I gave of f some vibe, but now that we were together, Emily insists that other women thought they now had a chance.If they only knew. My head hadnt sullen toward another woman since the day I met Emily and that wouldnt change in the foreseeable future.Well, I was just thinking Emily looked down, unsure of what she was about to say. I hated it when she did that. I reached for her hand, cupping it in mine to encourage her to go on.I know that the gym on site is a big plus, but its only a one-bedroom. The other one is a two-bedroom, and its close to that elementary school. She turned red, blushing furiously.Yeah, but what would we need a second bedroom for? I had to admit, while not necessary, it would be good for Emily to have her own area for studying.Well, it would be good as an officeand maybe someday, a bedroomI guess we could use a guest room, but we never have guests, Emily, so Im not sure what the benefit would really be.Yeah, I know, Im an idiot.Thats not what I meant but she didnt need to finish. As I flipped through the brochure, I saw a picture of a couple with a toddler. The tagline was promoting the family friendly atmosphere.Yeah, I think youre right. The two-bedroom is our best bet.